"For that which I do I allow not; for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I." Romans 7:15 kjv
"For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do." Romans 7:15 nkjv
I'm writing this morning about my struggle to know and be known by God. There is a scripture that talks about being lukewarm, neither hot nor cold (God said He would spew that out) ~ well that vacillation between hot and cold was where I found myself before full surrender came. It's hard to know who you are when your spirit works like a zipper - How I longed for balance and stability within.
My natural abilities were suppressed because of the climate of my spirit. I wouldn't let them surface although I knew they were there. The things I really wanted to do ~ like enjoy myself, celebrate the day, the children, our home ~ I could not. I was so driven and torn by the duplicity of my spirit. Ah, but the things I hated that I did - a critical spirit, resentment, an unhappy attitude, anger, running hot and cold in relationships, no balance, no purpose or meaning to life ~ Oh, I allowed for all of this - my mind gave excuse for it, but what a death trap (believing the lie or shall I say the liar), what a total lack of true life! I couldn't even verbalize my brain fog. I was such a sham, the things of value became cheap and the cheap things became my valuables. The things I clutched to myself pitful self.
Looking at these words written so many years ago, I realize the struggle taking place was for my very soul. Satan wanted me to live a defeated life, sludging through the icy waters of a lukewarm spirit, forbid that should ever get my spirit set afflame. Jesus wanted me to be so free that I would cease to focus on my navel - (what a small orb is that??) He wanted me to rise above such pettiness of self and seek the all encompassing relationship with him that would give my life true heat, allowing me to have a burning passion for life, loving him and loving others. Even the failures that come with being a human being. . . I could declare, this too shall pass!
All the passages of life are meant for good. . . how we pass through them determines the temperature of our spirit. Climate control? No, a Spirit controlled climate! God changed me ~ I like the changes! Paulette
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I see in the differences of the two statements are growth. Growth in the willingness to know that we are more secure in ourselves. God wants us to be at our best and secure in our strengths.
ReplyDeleteThat comes in our dependence on Him. Not on ourselves. I like that word "passages", which means a change has taken place...
In my mind, the verse in Romans was referencing a more tangible type of sin (but what I hate, that I do). Whatever sin I may have been struggling with in a particular season of life. However, the things I hate the most and catch myself doing day after day... bad attitude, feeling sorry for myself, belittling my wife, not finding joy in daily activities, feeling interrupted when people need my help. Those things that sneak into my world everyday are what steal away my joy.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your words Gammy,
I love you,
Trey
Thank you Julia for seeing the comparison of the before and after. I love that I've continued to grow through out my life and I trust that the changes will never stop - I have to embrace the changes in order to measure the growth. In my weakness I know that He is strong - I cannot make it without Him, nor would I ever want to - I love being dependent on my Father, but sometimes I forget and try to assume the load alone - then God fleshes Himself out in my dear friend and I'm reminded, God majors in the really hard stuff.
ReplyDeleteTrey, you see the true essence of this verse. It is sin, singular, not sins that Paul is addressing. This sin is the unsurrendered self that has to have it's own way or else. Once a person dies to self and the Holy Spirit takes up abode in the heart - He does not make us perfect - He makes us aware of just how imperfect we really are, thereby we see that we must rely on Him to make it through our humanity. Paul in another place said, "I die daily" - I know for myself, I must haul that hunk of flesh up on the altar each morning and say - "Lord make me a living sacrafice, today!" Perfect love opens us up to see the me that God sees and makes us willing to see it God's way - that's called the surrendered life. . . and it's good! I love you my child! Gammy
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